vagariouskids (countingcr0ws) wrote,

Uh Baby, You're Riding With Me.

Title: Uh Baby, You're Riding With Me.
Author: countingcr0ws
Pairing/ Characters: Yunjae
Rating: R?
Form: One-shot
Genre: AR, Crack, Romance
Warning: Casual/Weird writing???
Summary: Ever since the discovery of his gender orientation years ago, he had puzzled endlessly over societal expectations for couples to date even before seeing each other's dick. I mean, how would you know how beautiful the other person's dick was unless you saw it right at the beginning? What, wait until the moment of revelation? Pfttt. Because good load of help that was with Yunho. Really incapacitated him right there.

The sight of Yunho's God Cock provides a motivation for Jaejoong to condense his ten year plan and seduce the shit out of Yunho, but his lack of brain-to-mouth filter has to ruin everything.

It was hard being Yunho's friend, stupid Yunho with his dumb spectacles that he would randomly trade for contact lenses without prior announcements, fastidious in his personal duty to keep everyone around him on their toes with the awareness of the versatility of his hotness and his ability to capture the pulse of their hormonal genitals if he ever so fancied.

Jaejoong bit his lower lip as he waited at the island counter, tapping an idle rhythm as he sipped on his spotted cup at the Jung's house.

Mrs Jung was scolding Yunho's sister, Jihye for her sanctimonious tone while Jaejoong smiled inappropriately at the familiar scene while nursing his morning cocoa. Ah, he revelled in the consolatory familiarity of teenage rebellion. In fact, he quite believed it to be appropriate for Mrs Jung to thank Jihye instead for the once-in-a-lifetime experience of teenage angst, seeing how she had missed the opportunity with her golden boy.

"Morning, darling!" Mrs Jung paused her rant to greet her son and Jaejoong spun around excitedly to appraise his childhood friend.

Mm, glasses, he nodded approvingly as a familiar warmth spread across his chest at his customary morning smile from Yunho, his body responding to the splendid sight of the boy's intelligent eyes crinkling behind his lenses, secretly thankful for the choice of the day. He hadn't quite had his fill of bespectacled Yunho the day before and tomorrow was Yunho's big game, which meant contact lenses.

But then again, as he watched Yunho kiss his mother on the cheek before quickly downing his chocolate milk like the sexy beast that he was, Jaejoong knew that he would be pleased with Yunho in any variation.

Sighing to himself as he finally bade the Jung family goodbye, Jaejoong trailed after his friend while taking the opportunity to admire the fine curve of Yunho's sculpted derriere.

Of all people, he especially revered the firmness of the abovementioned marvel, given the countless acquaintances he had made with said wonder while fishing for the Yunho's phone or slipping money out from the tight confines of the boy's back pocket.

Yes, he respected Yunho wholeheartedly and while he had never meant to objectify Yunho, it was so hard to refrain from appreciating the godly exterior of the perfect gooey centre that he so truly loved. As in seriously. Have you even seen Yunho, like ever?

"Are you okay?" Yunho interrupted his intensely introspective thoughts as he leaned in with a look of concern.
"You're not speaking much today." Yunho continued as he scrutinized his friend carefully.

Looking away immediately at the heat of Yunho's contemplative eyes, Jaejoong pulled a long face as he kicked the stand of his bicycle off.

"Just thinking of our project, idiot," he deflected he shifted the bag in his basket.

"Right. This evening?" Yunho clarified as they pedalled out onto the road. Jaejoong hummed in agreement as their estate zipped pass. "I can make it at six, I guess. Practice ends at five thirty today."

"For the game against East High?" Jaejoong asked, even though he already knew the answer. He was the school's sports journalist, for goddess' sake.

Yunho nodded imperceptibly, the raise of his brows an indication of mild surprise that subsided into familiar contentment on the boy's face as they rode pass a group of girls from their school.

"Debate meeting?"

"Four thirty as usual," Jaejoong replied, ignoring the ridiculous hurt at Yunho's inability to remember his schedule.

"Not extending it for the upcoming zone completions?" Jaejoong felt his lips lift, falling behind Yunho as they filtered pass strangers.

"Nah, Changmin didn't say anything," he replied, laughing at Yunho's grimace at the mention of the school's debate team captain. He never understood Yunho's fear of the senior seeing that he had never once exchanged words with the intelligent leader. Besides, Changmin was such a sweet boy with a heart of absolute gold! Yunho was in Jaejoong's esteemed opinion, a bitter man blinded by utter prejudice.

Grinning as they fell into pace once more, their conversation segued into scattered updates about their respective friends and relations of the funny videos they watched the previous night as they rode to school.

- - - - -

It was more than an hour after four thirty when Changmin finally decided that his debate minions have had their fair share of terror and intimidation. Jaejoong cursed as he unchained his bicycle from the stand, desperate to get home.

He swore at Yunho's uncanny prediction of Changmin's current state of obsessiveness. He would bet a spleen that Changmin had no thoughts of holding them back until Yunho parted his perfect, plush lips in the morning.

Rolling his eyes at the thought of his friend, Jaejoong pedalled faster, desperate to reach before six. Having grown up in a household of eight elder sisters, he had made a personal vow when he was of an adequately coherent age to uphold the decorum of punctuality, a standard that had served him well through the years.

Greeting his jogging neighbour brightly as he entered the estate, Jaejoong glanced at his watch, triumphant at the time. Five fifty two! He congratulated himself heartily as he wheeled his bicycle into Yunho's porch, greeting Mrs Jung politely as he toed his shoes off clumsily.

Lumbering his way upstairs as he made a beeline for Yunho's room, he glanced pass the familiar ornaments on the walls, the layout as intimate to him as the lines on his palms.

Setting his bag onto the floor, he flopped onto Yunho's bed to catch his breath.

Shaking his head at the spray of water in the adjoined bathroom, Jaejoong stretched for the boy's laptop on the desk.

Yunho always bathed after practice, a fastidious insistence that Jaejoong never comprehended, the thought of multiple showers in a day scaring him thoroughly, but then again he wasn't much of an athlete. Clicking the bookmarks of his favorite websites on Yunho's laptop, he browsed the contents idly when he heard the shower shudder to a stop. Setting the computer aside to shuffle through his worksheets in preparation, the smile on his face fell when Yunho emerged from the toilet, because what. Whattttttttttttttt.

He felt his eyes widen as they skipped pass the towel around Yunho's neck as his friend entered head down while fiddling with his phone, across the sculpted abdominal muscles of Yunho's torso, to focus right on the prize, the prize of Yunho's thick, glorious and uncut dick. Swallowing the pooling saliva quickly as he stared hungrily at the long, meaty shaft of Yunho's flaccid member, he moved on to the unassuming foreskin of Yunho's penis.
What, since when was Yunho uncut? Since he was born?? Impossible! Jaejoong argued weakly with his understaffed brain as he tried to ruffle though his cherished memories of their shared baths when they were younger, but to no avail when no images of Yunho's eeny uncut member surfaced.

Moistening his lips as he marvelled at the size of Yunho's dark balls, he nodded approvingly at his friend's emphasis on hygiene, his nether region shaved clean - because thank god, all the better to see your long, fat dick, honey.

Looking wondrously at the scrumptious package, Jaejoong tried and failed to estimate the length and girth of Yunho's erected sex, instead settling for the fantasized weight of Yunho's dick in his mouth, and the sensation of the soft velvet skin folding as he sucked on Yunho's glorious testicles, circling the beautiful, engorged crown of his penis before taking him whole down his throat.

He could imagine the warmth of Yunho's precome at the back of his throat, the bitter tang of it, the musk of Yunho's balls as he nosed at it reverently after paying pilgrimage to the God Cock, the mountains it rested upon, and the expanse that they had risen from.

Suddenly gagging when his phone broke his psychedelic trance of Yunho's dick by buzzing loudly in his bag, Yunho made a startled noise from the back of his throat as he quickly cupped his groin, shielding the Eighth Wonder of the World from view when he noticed his company.

Jaejoong barely felt adrift from the loss, completely distracted by Yunho's ability to cover his entire groin with a mere palm. How was that even scientifically possible? Surely the edge of a ball would peek out? He titled his head a little when he realised the severity of the situation, oh my goddess, oh my freaking, flipping goddess of the celestial stars and bodies. Oh my flipping goddess.

Grabbing his belongings up messily with a strangled meep, he bolted out of the house, tossing them into the basket as he shot straight home before his shame could swallow him whole.


Dropping his possessions onto the floor as he tried to catch his breath, Jaejoong quickly divested himself off his school pants, pushing his briefs down clumsily with his shaking hands as he grabbed his erected cock in his hand roughly, never mind the shame.

Within his short ride back, his mind had decided that the sight of Yunho's dark balls and big dick was the hottest thing that he had ever seen. Falling onto his bed with heavy, erratic breaths, he pumped himself quickly with short rough strokes to the memory of Yunho's glorious, uncut penis.

He could imagine his friend's dark eyes as Yunho's spit slicked lips parted with need, incoherent mewls spilling forth as Jaejoong sucked and pleasured him expertly, quick hands on his balls, fondling and giving them the appropriate amount of reverence and love they had been destined for since creation.

He could hear Yunho's breathless pleas of his name as he peeled the other's foreskin back to reveal his sensitive crown, teasing the nerves on his dickhead, blowing and licking, dangling him at the edge, Yunho's sculpted body tense and fired, wound tight and begging for more.

He could feel Yunho's pliant body under his, the majestic proof of his adoration pressing against his own thigh, the thought driving Jaejoong to his orgasm as he came violently with a strangled gasp, creamy white spurts bursting sharply from his penis as his world went white, then black.

When Jaejoong came to, his genitals tingled pleasurably with the force of his orgasm. Lying bonelessly on his bed, reluctant and possibly unable to stand forever thus ill-equipped to accomplish the arduous task of reaching for tissues to clean up the evidence of his prior activity, his mind began to wander towards - what else, Yunho's marvellously carved body.

Because why and how did Yunho walk away with the puberty jackpot? Plus that dick! Just that dick alone was capable of rendering Jaejoong subservient, but noooooooo, overachieving Yunho had to come in a quadruple package - great face, great body, great personality, and a great dick. Fucking sunshine, damn it, Jaejoong cringed as the memory of his real time response surfaced.

Ever since the discovery of his gender orientation years ago, he had puzzled endlessly over societal expectations for couples to date even before seeing each other's dick. I mean, how would you know how beautiful the other person's dick was unless you saw it right at the beginning? What, wait until the moment of revelation? Pfttt. Because good load of help that was with Yunho. Really incapacitated him right there.

But whatever, now that he was armed with the vital information that Yunho's dick was the all-shining glory that would save the entire universe from the blight of global warming, he really needed to step his game up. Mind you for the second time that he did not objectify Yunho. In fact, he was well resigned to the fate of waiting patiently to purchase the entrance ticket to Yunho's pants. He appreciated the other as a whole, for the fantastic human being that he was. But that dick though, theat dick was a blind shot in the dark and damn had he hit bull’s-eye.

Finally moving to wipe the slowly hardening come off his belly, Jaejoong mentally revised his ten year plans to win his lifetime ticket into the amusement park within Yunho's pants.

- - -

Waking up early was a tough chore, especially given his late night extra-credit homework. It was needless to say that Yunho and him were close. During their long-standing relationship of pitifully platonic bromance, Jaejoong was well aware of Yunho's not-so-platonic-thankfully-one-sided-obsession with Dongbangshinki's Youngwoong. Not that he could fault his friend, though. Youngwoong was one hot-assed motherfucker, for the lack of a more appropriate term to covey the idol's perfection.

That aside, he had engaged in a thorough research of the idol's personality and had drawn up a detailed sheet of the examples of how Youngwoong displayed the various qualities that Yunho appreciated. Damn right did he have straight hair and boy, could he cook too. He'd show Yunho his meticulous nature, picking every single thread off Yunho's bottoms to force him to walk about bareassed.

Heating up the leftover rice in the fridge, he prepared his choice ingredients for his seduction-plus-good-luck lunch box for Yunho's afternoon game with practiced ease. He'd leave Yunho so bowled over that he wouldn't even remember the name of his hot assed motherfucking idol crush.

- - -

"I made a special meal for you pre-match," Jaejoong revealed oh-so casually during break as he passed the box over to his uncannily reticent friend. Jaejoong had fetched Yunho in the morning without any mention of the God Cock (a blasphemy, if he ever had any say), quickly discussing the parts of the project he had completed during his very busy night.

"Are you okay?" Jaejoong leaned in as he brushed Yunho's forehead in concern. "You're not speaking much today," he worried as he pushed his lunch away, uncomfortable with his friend's silence.

"Nah, just thinking about the game," Yunho replied as he swatted Jaejoong's hand away with an eye roll, thankful when Jaejoong accepted his reply without any arguments.

"What game?" Junsu joked as he sat down with a bright smile, grinning mischievously at his fellow teammate before greeting Jaejoong.

"I have a good feeling about-" Junsu paused as he snatched the lunch box beside Yunho away. "Dudeeeee, you got a lunch box???" He whined as he caressed the lid lovingly, his expression downcast at the differential treatment.

"Go away," Jaejoong continued to eat his lunch casually as Yunho bit back rudely.

"Fine, it'll grow cold by the game anyway," Junsu said sourly as Yunho's frown deepened.

"Well, Yunho can put it on his lap to warm it up," Jaejoong shrugged idly as he eyed Yunho subtly, curious about the boy's protectiveness of the meal. Did he dare insinuate that it meant something? He shook his head in disapproval at his fanciful thoughts. That was impossible. He now had a five year plan. Quadruple package Yunho wouldn't fall with just 1% completion of the stipulated dosage of seduction required.

"Yeah, like it'd work," Junsu griped as he waved his boyfriend Yoochun over to sit with them.

Jaejoong snorted derisively under his breath. With God Cock between his legs, Yunho was capable of anything. Literally anything.

- - - - -

Watching Yunho with his newfound knowledge from the bleachers was a completely different religious experience. If the previous was awe inspiring, this was downright hypnotizing as Jaejoong's mind conjured the likely trajectory of Yunho's package in the field had he freeballed. It was so hypnotizing that his dick was also engaged, charmed and at attention.

Pressing down at his erection painfully with his voice recorder just as Yunho raced across the field, he screwed his eye shut in an attempt to dispel his impure thoughts when the crowds burst into cheers.

Damn it! He had missed the process of the goal in a punishment for his attempt to escape the clutches of God Cock! Whimpering silently in his seat, Jaejoong repented deeply for his sins as he sent God Cock a heartfelt apology for his momentary neglect.


Jaejoong fiddled with his phone while waiting for Yunho to emerge from the toilet. The number of showers available in the athletic complex was pitiful and the school population hardly bathed after any form of physical education. He didn't quite understand Yunho's insistence on a bath after the victory though. Did Yunho not comprehend the attractiveness of perspiration on men after arduous toil? Sighing, he restarted the game once more in boredom.


Making a distracted noise as he turned to look up from his position on the floor, his eyes widened at the proximity of the outline of Yunho's dick from his face. The outline of Yunho's dick, oh my holy goddess of the celestial stars and bodies. Yunho was freeballing, holy goddess of mercy, this was officially the end of his life as he knew it. He had reached the apex or happiness and contentment, the mold of Yunho's flimsy shorts against the sizeable bulge making his mouth water in hunger and primal need. He needed that junk in his mouth, now, like right now, fuck Yunho and his sudden freeballing tendencies.

"Are you going commando?" He interrogated gruffly as he frowned at his friend in disapproval.

"What?" Yunho stammered as he shifted his shoe bag to cover his front, his face flushed scarlet in embarrassment as he stumbled backwards. "Why?"

"Seriously, do you want my briefs to cover up?" Jaejoong huffed impatiently, freezing in shock when his question sunk in properly, the thought of Yunho's mega dick straining in his own briefs and threatening to split the seams making his head spin wondrously.

Laughing weakly in awkwardness, he stood up with a quick dejected glance at the hiding dick before patting Yunho on the shoulder. "Joking, haha. Ha," he finished weakly as he headed quickly towards the bicycle stands, desperately resisting the urge to crumble in embarrassment.

- - -

"Uh, the game was 3-2, right?"

Yunho blinked at him from above his notes. "What," he responded, voice devoid of any inflection.

"You know, the game?" Jaejoong made a prior time period gesture with his hand as he tapped at his table. His brain had been totally fried throughout he entire match, but he was sure that their school had won, so 3-2 maybe?

Yunho huffed impatiently before returning his attention back at his notes as he leaned against the headboard, resuming his prior position.

"Yunho!" Jaejoong whined at the blatant dismissal. "I need this information!" He gestured at his laptop widely, at the half-written article on the screen.

"Its 2-1." Yunho finally bit out curtly when Jaejoong continued to stare at him after minutes of silence and paragraphs of empty reading.

"Thanks! You're the best, darling." Jaejoong grinned gleefully as he swivelled back towards the table to continue on his article.

"Uh, who scored the other one?" The student journalist piped up once more, fingers pausing on his keyboard as he waited for an answer that never came. "Yunho!" He whined again as he turned his chair around to glare at his friend. "I, need. this. information!" He punctuated vehemently as he gritted his teeth at Yunho's sudden contrary attitude.

"Yunho!" He scolded once more, gruffer this time, forgoing his previous soft tactic when Yunho continued to scan through his papers without paying any heed to his anguish.

"Yunho!" He yelled loudly as he kicked the edge of his bed in frustration.

"What!" Yunho copied his petulant tone and volume as he sat up from his position to glare at his friend.

"Who scored the other goal?" Jaejong repeated his question shortly as he raked his fringe back in restrained anger.

"I don't know!" Yunho replied snidely with a sneer as Jaejoong reeled in fury.

"Liar!" He seethed, unable to comprehend Yunho's change in demeanour.

"Why would I tell you when you were so preoccupied with staring at some stupid boy to pay attention to the game?" Yunho rebutted as he crossed his arm over his chest, a picture of puerility.

"What stupid boy? I was paying attention to the game!" Jaejoong defended swiftly, aghast by the allegation.

"And I'm the liar?" Yunho scoffed as he gestured sharply.

"You had your pervert Dongbangshinki Uknow face on when you were on the stands!" Jaejoong's mouth fell open at the insinuation. He had no such face! Such slander and lies! He was about to retort when Yunho spoke over him.

"And if you paid a single ounce of attention, you'd have known that I scored both goals! Both!" Yunho raged as Jaejoong felt his mouth fall open in a mix wonder and apology, the latter much thicker than the former. Because oops, colossal faux pas.

"So tell me, Jaejoong, who's the boy that you've got your eyes on, huh?" Yunho taunted meanly, driven by fury.

"What?" Jaejoong flailed in embarrassment as he hurried to parry the attack. "I wasn't looking at any boy!" He rushed out quickly without considering his words.

"I was thinking!" Oh my celestial bodies, he did not just come up with such a lame defense. Jaejoong hung his head in shame and disappointment. He needed to improve, beginning with the substitution of his violent physical spars with Changmin for intesne verbal ones instead.

"Thinking about what, your dinner?"

Jaejoong sputtered at Yunho's offensive tone as he grimaced at the glimmer of vengeance within Yunho's eyes. He would not back down this way, oh no, no. Changmin had taught him well for this ultimate argument. "I was just thinking about your big fat fucking dick, okay?"

Wait, what? Jaejoong began to choke as he mirrored Yunho's look of shock, his eyes involuntarily sliding down once more to the faint outline of Yunho's genitals under his shorts.

Following his friend's eyes, Yunho meeped loudly before cupping his junk once more, reminiscent of the previous day, only that Jaejoong was now equipped with the knowledge that it was inappropriate to tilt his head to check for spillage.

Jaejoong fell onto his table bonelessly, his head connecting with the unyielding surface with a loud thunk as he prayed for a swift death. He had officially dashed his chance of attaining his lifetime access pass with his lack of brain-to-mouth filter.

"Were you really thinking of my dick?" Yunho asked quietly from his position as Jaejoong groaned loudly at the nauseating pain in his soul.

"Why would you even think about my dick?" Yunho continued with a confused voice that Jaejoong immediately reacted to. No one insulted God Cock this way, alright. No one.

"Because it's a majestic beast?" Jaejoong mumbled, straightening in shame as he looked at everywhere else but Yunho. Whatever was dignity worth at the end of your life?

"And also because it's as gorgeous as you," Jaejoong sniffed sadly as he finished his last words before beginning to pack his things up. He needed some time to mourn quietly.

"Where're you going? I think that you're gorgeous too!" Yunho rushed out, the effect of his monumental confession ruined by his mounting confusion with Jaejoong's actions. Was he really packing to leave his own home? Jaejoong was so weird, goodness.

The laptop cluttered noisily onto the table as Jaejoong swivelled to look at his friend in shock, a newfound vigor in his previously listless limbs. Were his ears failing him?

"You really fancy me?" Jaejoong clarified in disbelief as Yunho nodded carefully.

Oh goddess, Jaejoong began to laugh as he covered his face in embarrassment, the outline of his now defunct five years plan surfacing in his mind. All that work when he could have already gone on countless rides!

"I actually had a plan, you know?" Yunho grumbled as he gestured his childhood friend towards the bed.

"How many years was it?" Jaejoong rushed out, his eye glinting with mirth as he crawled onto the furniture.

"Ten?" Yunho replied in confusion as Jaejoong snorted with derision as he settled between Yunho's muscly legs to cup his newly-minted boyfriend's face. Ten was sooooo mediocre.

Leaning in for a kiss, Jaejoong made a first punch on his lifetime ticket to Yunho's amusement park.

- - - - -

A/N: Yay, back. Title from 'Ride On,' for somehowstillawake for her term 'God Cock,' ligerliger for her no pressure Yunjae shipping, irisleejin for her no pressure writing advice (even though you wouldn't read this bc bad), donud, tardiskeeper and piruchie for asking on me, plus lindabelinda99 for all the crap.

All mistakes are mine, I have bad tenses and grammar. Point out if you spot any! Hope you liked it, please leave a comment so that idk,

Tags: accidental nudity, alternate universe - childhood friends, alternate universe - high school, attempted seduction, bicycles, big dicks, cock worship, crack, dbsk inception, debater!jaejoong, dick restraining, fluff, freeballing, god cock, jaejoong!student journalist, kinky, masturbation, perverted thoughts, potty mouth, sports: football, voyeurism accidental, weird writing, yunho!jock
  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
← Ctrl ← Alt
Ctrl → Alt →
← Ctrl ← Alt
Ctrl → Alt →